Peaches and cream. Wine and cheese. Menopause and low libido. Some things just naturally seem to go together. But unlike the first two pairs, menopause and low libido are not a match made in heaven!
Let me start by saying that not all women experience a decrease in their libido as they go through perimenopause and menopause. For some it actually increases. And if that’s you – go wild you lucky girl!
But, sadly it is common for women’s sex drive to take a dive as they go through their ‘change of life’.
If that’s you, or someone you know, then you need to hear this important message:
Don’t beat yourself up, girl! You’ve got a LOT going on… and most of it’s not very sexy!
So, let’s explore what’s happening to cause that drop in libido, and then discover some simple, natural ways to rekindle the flame and bring sexy back.
The Top 5 reasons why your libido might be lower
There are a bunch of reasons to explain why sex might be the last thing you want to be doing right now. And no, not all of them have to do with your hormones.
So here are my top 5:
- Your progesterone levels are dropping and so you’re simply not getting enough of this ‘feel good’ hormone.
Progesterone plays a huge role in your energy levels, keeping you emotions balanced and in your sexual arousal, amongst other things.
It’s released at the time of ovulation, so as you go through perimenopause and your cycles and ovulation become irregular, your progesterone level starts to go down.
- As your oestrogen levels decrease, so do your vaginal secretions. That’s another way of saying that even if you’re aroused you don’t get as wet. Plus the walls of your vagina become thinner. That combo can cause sex to be uncomfortable or even downright painful. And that’s definitely NOT sexy!
It’s worth saying that hormones are rarely the only factor involved in having a low libido. Here are three other issues that might be lowering the temperature:
- Relationship issues – this can cover lots of different things. Everything from strain in your relationship with your significant other to fights with your teenager to having to deal with ageing parents to wanting to strangle someone at work!
And women aren’t the only ones who can struggle as they get older. Lots of men suffer from erectile dysfunction as they get to middle age and that’s not just a ‘them’ problem.
- Lower self-esteem – this can be related to hormonal changes which can cause weight gain, skin that’s not as tight as it used to be, hair thinning or growing in places you definitely don’t want it… sometimes getting older sucks! And it’s easy to feel unsexy – especially when social media bombards you with millions of pictures of young, perky boobs and butts!
- Stress and lack of sleep – as I said before – Girl, you’ve got a LOT going on! Maybe it’s hot flushes. Maybe it’s stress at work or home. Maybe it’s feeling out of control as your body changes. Maybe it’s the emotions stirred up by this change in your life. Whatever is causing it, feeling stressed and sleep-deprived ain’t sexy
My Top 4 Ways to Bring Sexy Back
Okay, so menopause and low libido might be a thing, but that’s NOT the end of the story. There are plenty of things you can do to get your mojo back.
Here are my Top 4:
- Don’t beat yourself up! There’s nothing ‘wrong’ with you. This is a natural part of our journey as women, even if it can feel a little crazy sometimes.
So, talk about it – with your girlfriends and your partner (if you can) about how you’re feeling and what’s happening. Share the funny stories and realise you’re not in this alone.
- Nurture yourself. It’s time to take self-care seriously. God knows, you’ve spent your life looking after everyone else – it’s time to be kind to you.
That might mean a regular massage, a spa day, a new look or just time out for yourself.
A bath with essential oils – I love Lavender or Stress Away – will help you de-stress, feel relaxed and sleep better.
- Use PPP (Progessence Phyto Plus). As an Aromatherapist who specialises in menopause and women’s hormones, PPP is my most favourite and most-recommended product. It’s designed to address all those menopausal issues. I use it myself and it’s super-simple – just a few drops rubbed into my forearms before bed each night. It works its magic and smells divine.
You can read more about my story and how it works here. But I can’t recommend it highly enough.
- Realise that as you get older lube is your best friend!
Coconut oil is fantastic when it comes to the bedroom. It’s natural and can work as both a massage oil and as a natural lubricant.
Another massage oil my partner and I LOVE is Sensation Massage oil from Young Living. It’s got Jasmine, Ylang Ylang and Geranium essential oils and it’s designed to ignite the romance in the bedroom. Let me know if you’d like to know how to get this at wholesale price!
And if you want to try a little sexy DIY, here’s my water-based lube recipe:
- Add 1 cup of cold water to 4 teaspoons of arrowroot flour in a saucepan. Stir to combine.
- Place on stovetop. Turn heat to medium. Heat to boiling, stirring frequently.
Once it gains a gel texture, remove from heat.
- Add 3-5 drops of essential oil (Cypress, Sensation and Black Pepper essential oils to add some spice or try Clary Sage for a milder experience).
- Use a funnel to pour the mixture into the container. Allow it to cool. Store at room temperature.
Menopause and Low Libido don’t have to be a thing
The good news is that menopause doesn’t have to kill your sex life or steal away your sexiness.
Remember – be kind to yourself. You deserve it!